POOR MENTAL HEALTH? LOOK AROUND, YOU'RE NOT ALONE.
Never be afraid to face the weight of modernity; it may not be entirely your fault why you feel so poor inside. I stand by this; I believe the world is screwing us.
The world is disastrous; people are confused. Our identities are facing the sword of fragmentation, and this is the best show in town. The currency is your attention; your tickets are your commitment to immediate stimulation. We must, on some level, face the madness of this wide façade that keeps growing wider, wider, and darker. Somewhere in your heart is an isolated, troubled individual who probably has superstitions about the reality we're living in. I myself find it all too strange; everywhere, people are doing things that they may not want to do. While some direct these people, some follow trustingly out of fear of believing something to be certain, all the while contradicting themselves in their own language. People are not awake; people are sleepy. The dualistic nature of forms and symbols rolls along the ground through the door we stare at.
Everything presently is uncertain: media, articles, ideas, beliefs, values, judgments, politics. We are splitting away from our nature as human beings; we are slowly becoming mannequins of ideology. The world of ideas sets itself upon us; our senses are preoccupied with mediocre stimulation, and not necessarily from social media alone. The reality has become dangerous for our consciousness. If you feel torn and lost, welcome it; everyone is lost, for the costume they wear is only suited to that style of fancy dress party in one place at a time, and so we all must wear this costume faintly, but with an assertive understanding that this costume must come off as much as it is put on.
I have done bad things in my life, and it looks like they outweigh the good that I have done. This is a personal truth of mine. Each day, I feel the tension of a dark subpersonality placing its hands along my spine. The worst is when you find yourself talking to an innocent old lady, and inside your world may be as hot as hell, as dark as space, and you must continue with this great facade. At work, the most diabolical features of theater; everyone at work is someone else, someone they believe to be what everyone wants them to be. This is the theater show that has cost me many jobs. Though I have never purposely decided to be sacked from those places which I actually didn't mind, synchronicity caught up to me. Sometimes in workplaces, the people who sack you are the people who see your authenticity as a threat. My antidote to this is simple: keep conversation minimal. By doing this, people will reveal everything to you under the fear of being disliked, and at the same time, play upon them.
How can you lose any substance of your mental health when all you do is reflect back to the person themselves? They chose to dislike you? They dislike themselves. They pay attention to you more than you pay attention to them? They're uncertain about who or what inhabits their minds, and they search for them in your movements. Your voice, your presence, you are the bringer of their light.
FREEDOM FROM FEAR
Now, as for the state of your mind. Well, I have been labelled many times: mad, mentally ill, immoral, evil and weird. All of this is child's play. People like to hate on true authenticity; they will do anything they can to affirm that you are not a good person because they do not understand you. Somehow this justifies their methods of hating you, causing you pain, and unnecessary mental baggage. People these days fear being misunderstood. Take it from me; I have done things you hear about in books from characters. I have lived like both a maniac and a complete coward. I have hated myself more than I have loved myself. I understand a few things about people that some may never have got the chance to acquire because they've been too scared to risk their self-image before the crowd.
It is true reputation is everything, and that's why it's good to challenge it. Your own reputation may be the reputation of someone else. If this is the case, get rid of that motherfucker. The world today, now, modernity, this so-called era, is advancing with specific agendas targeted at everyone. Every generation that has existed in the 21st century, silent generation to Gen X, are all under threat. It's not like you're out of the question if you're middle-aged and accomplished; no sir. Whatever the hell is going on, we're all under threat, so don't feel alone; this is silly. I live solitary, meaning I don't see any friends; I speak to less than a handful of people in person. Why? Well, do we need an explanation? This society is at war with each other; people hating one another, people disliking people's lives; everyone is under a microscope. I don't want to be under a microscope, not now, not yet. Soon. But not yet.
If you feel you're going mad, I have been mad before. Perhaps I still am; I don't know who's going to call it. Perhaps it'll be something I write, something I say; that's normally the case. But don't be afraid; you are only yourself and nobody else, unless you're lying to yourself regularly; even then, don't be scared. One must consistently understand that they are going to be traveling through periods where they say, "I know who I am," and "I have lost myself"; this is the cycle of inner life. If in this process you find yourself broken, confined to crippling pain, and devastating confusion, still, do not be afraid, because what is natural, such as this cycle of death, rebirth, or as I like to put it more optimistically, goodbye and Hello, is not something that should affect you.
SOME REASSURANCE
Boredom should affect you, but not pain, sadness, or any other content of the mind. This is what the mind does; this is how it functions. If you let it bother you, then you, sir, are unplugging the power cord. Now, don't get me wrong; there are clinical disorders of mental health that are very serious, and I cannot speak on these things. I am speaking to you, whoever you are, that finds themselves troubled daily, weekly, monthly, whatever it is. If it isn't a serious mental health condition, understand the mind is cyclical, and it can be changed, and it can be tamed. The ways you do this are up to you. I'm just simply making sure you understand that the world is connected to us in the same ways that we are connected to our bodies: networks of information passing through eternally.
If you worry about trusting yourself, why should you trust yourself entirely? Are you omniscient? No, so relax if everything feels off and broken. Find pleasure in the broken, find pleasure in the disturbing arena of these things, but do not walk away with them in pride; this skill is a divine mechanism. It both builds and manages the present suffering of life. Why would you be proud of that? It is not yours; you never did it; it simply happened to you, and you watched it gently taking part in it; this is you, the observer and the thing that can go into something and come out of something. You are not entirely inside something ever. You cannot become that which you already are.
Relax when it comes to the nervousness of solitude. You are alone, and there is only yourself present. Understand you cannot please yourself like you can others. Pleasing is something you can only do to other people; masturbation is piggish. I do not mean pleasing in this sense. You know what I mean. Stay with yourself at all times. You cannot betray yourself the way others can betray you. Understand you own all of this, nobody else, and somewhere in some location inside, we all have our place at the table.
